The Wedding and other unrelated tales of woe

Before I write about the wedding, I just want to say a few random things that have just come to mind:
Firstly, I love it how in Israel, the price of umbrellas go up when it rains! That's soooo Israel for you!
And also, I am currently loving listening to Scissor Sisters- (Kudos to Jord who burnt it for me on MP3, and thanks to Kim for reccommending them to me in the first place) They rock!
I also forget to mention earlier a funny thing. In Eli's grandma's house, she has a big framed photo hanging in her living room taken from when she was in London many years ago with her late husband, and it's of them looking very serious, standing in front of Dame Edna. So I asked her what was that all about, and she told me it was at Madame Toussads wax hall, and they wanted a picture next to the queen, and they thought that was her! How funny is that! First, I had to break it to her softly that that wasn't in fact a statue of the queen, then I had to gently tell her that she wasn't even English, but Australian, then I had to delicately tell her it wasn't even a woman, but a cross-dressing man! Of all the intense shock she was experiencing at my revelations, she seemed most depressed about the fact that s/he wasn't really English. She really wanted to have a photo to remember England by. She is sooo cute. Unfortunately, I succeeded in unintentionally making her feel a bit down about that for a while after, because she felt she had been tricked and now that picture's been on her wall for decades and all for nothing. Eli, Maor and Ety however, found it hilarious, as did I... and we tried to convince her that it was still okay to have a picture of a waxed Australian cross dressing queen...

Today in one of my classes, I facilitated a discussion about first impressions and intuition. We used lots of descriptive adjectives and adverbs- both visual and characteristic types, and I got each student to chat to the person on their left for about 5 minutes about 'love at first sight' and other such interesting things as well as to share personal experiences & stories about accurate or inaccurate first impressions..
Then, after the 5 minutes, I handed out question slips and got every student to write about their first impressions of the person they had just been speaking to... such things as age/background/hobbies/interests/weaknesses/strengths/marital status/ etc/favourite food/music etc.....
It was an excellent class and the students were stimulated and we used lots of juicy vocab and I encouraged everyone to be honest, and everything was going great, until one man guessed that the woman he had been speaking to on his left was about 40 years old. And she was in fact closer to 30.
Ouch.
Then there was another guy who guessed that his partner's weakness was that: quote "she don't know how to say no". Ummmmmmm... things got a bit tense when this woman got offended and asked him to explain, and his explanation was "like, in lifestyle choices"...huh?? So she asked him how he got this impression from her and he told her he got it from her clothes. WHOAH. People were reading into people a little too deeply...
Then I got the class to all write about their first impressions of me. It was a class I had never taught before so none of them knew me. I got such fascinating feedback, I'm tempted to run this class again every week! I'd say the most interesting was that I was 32, Scandinavian, married+1, and that I love coffee. Haha!!! I am SUCH an open book, damn.
Teaching, as always, is lots of fun and it sure is keeping me on my toes :-)

Anyway, on to the wedding:
So, I'm not sure if kitsch fully sums it up, but it's the closest I think I'm going to get. It was extravagant to the extreme and totally over the top. But it was wonderful! Look at what the bride was wearing! She looked great, but c'mOn!! A thick white fur shawl under the chuppa? Disco balls and pyrotechnics and fake pearls and white roses and chandeliers and palm trees and glitter....and the list goes on... I thought the henna party was a cultural shock, but this was equally as crazy. I also thought the Ethhiopian/Morroccan wedding I went to in Jerusalem almost 3 months ago took the cake, but this took not only the cake, but the crumbs and plate and knife with it! It was such a massive production I don't even know where to begin.

First of all, there was a big grand entrance for everyone who walked in. The family were lined up waiting inside to kiss and shake hands and be congratulated, so everyone walks through a sea of people, feeling like the queen being greeted, which is a little bizarre. Then we head straight to the food! Then we head to our table, to put aforementioned food and bags and coats down. Then we go mingle (before aforesaid food is actually eaten; the whole point of this is so to make sure one doesn't miss out on the good stuff which will go quickly! True! Every time a dish would finish, something else would come out to replace it. There was just an ever- changing menu!) So then I got introduced to like 400 guests, 75% of whom all managed to be an uncle, aunt or cousin of Eli's somehow... we had to endure what every unmarried boyfriend/girlfriend couple at Morroccan weddings must go through, the torturous "Bekarov etzlechem" wishes, which means "soon hopefully for you"..
ay ay ay.

Pumping music played as the couple made their way hand-in-hand down the (red carpeted) aisle, and into the middle of the dance floor where the chuppa was staged, under a big disco ball and lots of pearls and white silk... Only close family stand under the chuppa, and as a result it was ridiculously overcrowded. The glass was broken, everyone cheered a hearty mazal tov and the party kicked off to a wild start with pyrotechnics and the Dance of Love (a dance actually announced by the DJ in thick accented English for some obscure reason, where the couple dance together for the first time as husband and wife, under a spotlight and encircled by firework/sparkler display things flying up from the ground somehow.) There was constant confetti and balloons falling down from somewhere mysterious, and even though I distinctly remember seeing the floor super vacuumed several times with a big machine, the floor managed to redirty itself with more confetti and gold and sparkles and shiny things from god knows where, all throughout the night, and which kept getting stuck in the grooves of my high heels and making it uncomfortable to dance on...

Anyway, the fashion was totally out there. I don't want to say too much about that in case I may be related to these people one day and perhaps one day they'll learn how to read and understand English. See my photos (http://au.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/sarahknopman/my_photos)- I think that sums it up all pretty well there. The table dancing was also wild (That's Ortal, Roy's sister, and their mother Dina, making sure she doesn't fall off the table) -As was the concept of a trolley brought out to the middle of the dance floor full of shot glasses. Shots of vodka, tequilla, whiskey, all sorts of things.. and most of the time 2 girls (invariably the sister of the groom and a cousin) would be dancing on the edges of the trolley... Crazy! Unfortunately I never got a photo of that, but I really liked that shots idea. Everyone got verrrry drunk. (Maor-Eli's bro, dancing suggestively with Nitzan- brother of the groom, with parents Dina and Tzion behind.)
Also, they had a really neat set-up of having a separate bar just for shots, right next to the dancefloor, where maybe 20 shots would be lined up at any given time for people to just come and take.

The food (I know, I know, I held off for so long, but it's important to do it justice and mention it just once more) -was out of this world. It was impossible to try everything. They had a choice of about 4 different main dishes, and that was after various kinds of buffets had already been set out. Russian and Morroccan food I believe are the 2 greatest foods known to mankind. At least the 2 greatest foods known to Eli and I. We were very content, you could say. I am very excited for my brother's wedding (in 3 weeks!) to sample the Morroccan themed menu. I wonder if I should match the theme and dress in Morroccan wedding dress style. Hmmmm.. no that's an idea.

Basically, all in all, there was non-stop dancing all night. No speeches or formalities, just food and drinks and dancing.

Cest La Vie

I hope you've all enjoyed and appreciated my massive catch up effort of blog writing over the last few days. It is now 2:00am. Now I expect comments and emails from all of you. (You do realise I've set this up so I know exactly who's read this and who hasn't, so don't think you can get away with not writing to me...)

Love to all,
signing off now,
a very tired SARA SHARA SHIR SAMEACH
xxxx

PS- I might be writing for TIME OUT Tel Aviv magazine! More on that later...

Valentines and skiing expedition

Last week, all in all, was one very exciting week.
The Henna party (see below) was on Monday, and it coincided with the Jewish holiday celebrating the start of the agricultural season and the fruitfulness of trees, Tu'beshvat. The following day, Tuesday, was Valentines Day, and then on Friday we travelled North to Mount Harmon for the snow. I'm telling you it was full on!

Some of you may remember the Tu'Beshvat party Eli and I threw at our place in Waverley last year with the big fruit tray? The observance of this holiday involves the ritual of eating fruits. Many of you said you liked the idea of coming together to party and eating fruits, and it is nice, so Eli and I said we'd celebrate this holiday again in the future. Also, now some of you may know this and some may not, but the first time I ever saw Eli was on a full moon night 2 years ago in Jerusalem at a Tu-Beshvat party. So it has some sentimental relevance and value as well I guess.

The story goes: I was in Israel and a friend of mine had bailed on me for the night so I went to this party by myself, and even though I didn't exactly speak wth Eli that night, I noticed him because someone else had pointed him out to me and told me he'd be playing sax at a jazz gig at a particular cafe the following day, and in his attempt to pick me up, this guy arranged a date for the 2 of us to go see the jazz together at the cafe. Now I was on a trot of bad luck at that time with guys not keeping to their word, so it came as no surprise when this one bailed on me as well. So the following day I went along to this cafe by myself, I remember it was decorated with fruits and nuts and dates everywhere and Eli was playing his last note as I walked inside, but I had heard him play from all the way down the street (which has since become a reccurring story) and I thought it sounded great. Sure enough I recognised him from the night before, and I thought it would be nice to introduce myself and tell him I thought he played really great and..... well.... baddabing-baddabang, here I am 2 years later.

So, Tu'BeShat and the day after it, is an exciting time to be alive. This year, Valentines was the day after Tu'BeShvat, and the Azriei shopping centre was decked out with everything fruity and sweet to celebrate the 2 holidays in-synchro as a double whammy. (I said 'double whammy' in the staff room at work the other day and got vacant stares and confused looks all over the shop. I didn't realise that was an Australian idiom. As is a 'scorcher', as in a bloody hot day. No one here seems to know what capsicum or rock melon is either!? And what I mean by 'heaps' and 'randoms'. Sometimes I feel fluent in another language that no one here knows. I speak Australian.) Anyway, I sampled so many delicious fruity things over those 2 days, I felt like fruit salad incarnate. Even at the henna party, many of the sweets were fruity. Anyone ever had cucumber sorbet before? Or how about banana crepes- as in, the bananas weren't just inside the crepe, but the crepe was actually made of banana and it had strawberries inside. And melon ice cream!!! Mmmmmmmmm.

Anyway, Valentines is called "Yom ahava", (Day of love) and everyone wishes each other chag sameach like it's worthy of some kind of Jewish holiday greeting. It amused me very much. This day also has sentimental significance for Eli and I for other reasons (not appropriate to write here, sorry! Ah, the disadvantages of a public forum, censorship!)... We decided to be very romantic and agreed to NOT buy each other anything (even though it was a biggy with Tu'BeShvat and 'that day after' and Valentines and 2 year anniversaries and what not) and instead, we agreed to celebrate by going out to a very nice restaurant and not skrimping on anything we wanted to eat or drink. Which is exactly what we did and it was excellent (Even if we did run into Eli's ex girlfriend who he hadn't seen in 7 years!) Incidentally, the boss took a liking to Eli and gave us free shots of Japanese pear wine and offerred us a 10% discount from now on, so I think we'll be returning there...

Being the honest and naive person that I am, I of course kept to my end of the deal, but Eli couldn't help being sweet (and dare I say, cliche) and surprised me with the token bottle of champagne and Max Brenner gourmet chocolates at 3am, after we got back home late from the henna party. Our table was nicely set up with candles and everything...(Max Brenner- i.e- gourmet chocolate place on Oxford Street in Paddington as well as in Bondi Junction- is Israeli, and it's really big here). Even though I was flatterred, I was made to feel like an ass. Why don't people keep to their promises goddamnit? I told Eli I knew he would buy me something, I knew it- and he said he knew I wouldn't buy him something, which was good because that was his aim.
Bah.

So anyway, sufficed to say we were basically in a very celebratory mood this week.

We also thought it important to celebrate my much awaited 2-day weekend (I have 2-day weekends only every 2nd week) so we went on a road trip to the North to ski.
We stayed at Eli's grandma's place near Haifa for Thursday and Friday (for shabbat) and came back late on Saturday. Mt Hermon is in the far north of the country and it borders with Syria and Lebanon. In fact the same mountain range partly belongs to Israel, and partly to the other countries.

It was great to be in the snow. I love it! But as some of you know, skiing + Sarah don't go particularly well together, so I was very content to sit the day out in the cafe reading, writing, drinking hot chocolates and soaking up the beautiful views and the crazy atmosphere. I did the exact same thing, in fact at the exact same table, 2 years ago when I visited Mt Hermon. It's a truly unique way to experience Mt Hermon I tell you. Eli went skiing and his brother, Maor went snowboarding.
Like in every country, skiing is an expensive sport, and in Israel, the cost of entering the mountain, then to get the chair lift and the ski gear and everything including the petrol you need to drive all the way there... we worked out that it's cheaper to fly to Turkey! (Seriously, there are US$129 return flights to Turkey which include 3 nights at a 4 star hotel inc. breakfast) So that's another plan of our's for a later 2-day weekend down the track.

Throughout the day I kept thinking I could hear the name "Eli Vanunu" on the loud speaker. But I couldn't understand the rest of the fast and mumbled Hebrew after it. I was so confused who could be calling Eli and for what reason. I was sure that either a) it must be for another Eli Vanunu- which wouldn't be so surprising here; or b) it couldn't have been Maor looking for him, because if he wanted him he'd call his mobile or call me. So I sat, perpetually baffled all day and thinking I was imagining things and getting a little concerned. At one stage, I asked a guy next to me whether he just heard Eli Vanunu on the loud speaker, and he said he honestly wasn't paying attention, but he thinks he may have heard an Eli Onunu, which was funny because he grew up with an Eli Onunu. Haha.. that was funny for many reasons. Firstly, Eli has numerous ways of spelling and pronouncing his surname. In fact, it differs on his credit card, his ID and his passport. Vanunu, Vaanunu, Wanunu, Onunu, Vonunu and Voonvoon (the last one is lovingly only reserved for close friends who served with him in the army- several of whom, despite no contact for the past few years, Eli and I have met up with suddenly over the past few weeks)...
More interesting though is the fact that each family member spells it differently. His mother, Esther, who likes to be known as Eti, spells her name variably as Eti or Ety... Spelling is just simply not taken very seriously here. I swear I've seen major street signs here, which, most of the time are written in the customary 3 languages: Hebrew, Arabic and English, and I'm certain that there's a mistake somewhere because the pronunciation of the Hebrew name which I can read is totally different from the pronunciation of the English one.

So anyway, back to my so-called track, the guy remembered growing up with an Eli Onunu, and on a weekly basis we bump into someone here in Tel Aviv who Eli grew up with. Most of the time he can't place their face or name, but they sure remember him.
Anyway, it turned out Maor was in fact looking for Eli the whole day as his battery for his phone had gone flat. So I wasn't imagining things after all.

On the drive home from the mountains, Eli suddenly remembered that a long lost friend of his from the army lived nearby, so we took a detour and went to drop a visit on the guy. He was nuts, and really happy to see Eli and catch up after 8 years. After they filled each other in on their respectve lives over 20 minutes, (hey some people have interesting lives) we arranged to meet up again in a couple of weeks and go for a trip in his jeep 'through the nature'.

In other exciting news, I heard that Wall Street every year throws a relly big Purim dress-up party bash. Last year they hired out a nightculb and everyone came dressed up and the person who won first prize scored flight tickets to Europe (and I don't mean Turkey or Cyprus, I mean Barcelona!) How cool is that!!!

Anyway, it's 2:30am. I will write about the wedding later.

To be continued....


gruzenberg 35 talitana

Henna Party for Roy & Irit (February 13)

I must admit, I'm beginning to feel like this blog is a bit of an obligation. A lot of you email me (many have been slack lately but that's ok) and ask me why I haven't posted a new blog yet, and what's taking so long... well I realised that by the time I actually sit down to write, I've forgotten what it was I wanted to write in the first place, and I don't want to write just for the sake of it, so I put it off until a later time when perhaps my memory won't fail me.

So this morning was one such rare time when I woke up actually remembering everything I've done since I last wrote! First of all, I sent an email out recently announcing new photos up on my album of the henna party and skiing expedition and wedding. If you didn't get that, then check out
http://au.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/sarahknopman/my_photos

Because there's simply too much for me to catch up on, I'm going to divide this into 3 blogs. So this is about the henna party:


The henna party was awesome. First of all, some of you emailed me and understood that it was the wedding. Let me clarify: Morroccans like to party, so the henna party is just another excuse to party more, and it takes place one week before the actual wedding. Only close family & friends are invited. The henna party I went to was on the more extravagant side as far as henna parties go. First of all, close family meant 150+ people. It's pretty much exactly like a wedding- people bring presents, there's a beautifully decorated venue, catered food, a hired band or DJ, camera men, and most importantly- a dancefloor. Eli's cousin Roy, and his (Russian)bride-to-be, Irit, were dressed in beautiful traditional Moroccan garb and they had 2 costume changes throughout the night! (I've seen shops selling these costumes but I always wondered who actually buys that stuff. Now I know.) The hall was lavishly decorated and there was a beautiful tent where the two families sit together and accept gifts of beautiful sweets. When it came to the actaul henna ceremony, everyone puts on a Morroccan dress and dances around the mother of the bride/groom who is carrying the bowl of henna with trays of sweets.

Eli was the champion of balancing the sweets on his head. In fact if you check out all the photos you'll see the tray hardly ever left his head. It's not fair though, he has all that padding :-)
Everyone puts a blob of henna on their hand and dances around showing their chamsa- which comes from the hebrew word 'chamesh' meaning 5, so the outstretched hand is symbolic of warding off evil. Something like that anyway...


Of course Eli's grandma did her impressive lalalalalla tongue flicking war cry right next to me (again!) and this time into a microphone- and the night got off to being one massive party. Eli was the life of the party (surprise surprise).


What I found particularly fascinating about the night was the interesting merge between the traditional with the modern. Even though people were donning traditional garb and performing a traditional ritual, there was an overwhelming elemenet of kitsch throughout everything. The music for example- after a bit of Israeli stuff, and then some folk-like music where people were dancing around glasses shoulder-to shoulder (like my favourite scene in fiddler on the roof), the English and techno stuff came out. The morroccans took a breather and all the Russians got up and started dancing. Hardcore. There was one funny dance like the macarena, where everyone just knew all the steps and they danced in a box. Eli's grandma was just standing in the middle and clapping- totally out of beat, and at one stage she was swaying with her hands over her ears. Have I mentioned that Eli's grandma is extremely cute? It feels a little patronising to call an old person cute, but she is! She boasted the other week about how she never wore make up in her life! She was telling us all at the dinner table how she never put on any cosmetics, and she was getting so excited about it and it was a blatant lie because there are photos of her all over the house where she's looking all done up for some family member's circumcision/barmitzvah/henna party/wedding and she's got make up on... Anyway, she screams whenever she says anything, and she was trying to emphasise how she never used anything and she looks really great for her age- and no one was really believing her she just went and lifted up her skirt to show me her legs. She's such a laugh! (And yes, if anyone is interested in Eli's grandma, she does have great legs.) She is also the only one who likes Eli's hair. Every family member (close as well as extended) constantly comment on his hair and tell him he needs to cut it, but his grandma loves to plait it and she tells everyone Eli is natural and doesn't use any rubbish in his hair and has the best hair of anyone she knows. It's very funny seeing (and hearing) her defend him all the time.

Anyway, so all in all, I say I'm willing to marry a Morroccan just so that I can have one of them henna parties for myself! :-)

Time flys when you're having fun

So Churchill disappeared a week ago. I was devestated, naturally. It's a little hard to understand how exactly a dog shared between 4 owners can actually manage to go missing, but nevertheless, he did and I felt bad about continuing my walking routine without him (yeah, that's my reason) so my whole world was rocked upside down in the past week. It was so sad... I mean, the stupid dog can't even cross a road without me!
To console our combined sorrows Eli and I have been hanging out and partying with our neighbour, Sharon and his girlfriend, as well as with Pini and Tzvika and the other 2 guys who shared Churchill... I think I mourned his loss more than anyone else. Here's a funny story. Well I found it funny anyway:

So Eli was doing the laundry the other day, and a woman walked past with 2 dogs, one on a leash and one not on a leash, and this one looked suspiciously just like Churchill! So Eli ran after her and started chatting with her and sure enough, the dog wasn't her's and she said it had just been hanging around her place for about a week. She lived around the cnr in Florentin and she hadn't grown that attached to the dog (coz it was horny and always humping her dog) so then Eli was sure it was Churchill. He was SO excited, he told the woman he knows who it belongs to and the woman was fine about him taking him off her hands, so Eli scoooped him up in his arms and went bounding over to Pini and Tzvika's, kissing and hugging this dog silly and talking lovey dovey baby nonsense crap to it all the way...

He gets to their place, they take one look at the dog and say nups. That's not Churchill. Eli is convinced it is and tells about all the evidence to prove it. They attempt to test this somehow, but the dog is going nuts and jumping all over them... which we're beginning to think is just characteristic of this kind of breed.... Eli is desperate to believe that it IS Churchill and now, even though he's beginning to lose faith himself, he doesn't want to face the fact that he was kissing a stray street dog. So he persists.

Alas alak Pini and Tzvika know of a birthmark. And this birthmark is missing. Eli soon sees that in fact, this dog doesn't have the [quote-unquote] "charm" of Churchill, so with a few spits and 'pthews', they try get rid of the dog, but now he won't leave. Eli feels really bad about robbing this puppy of the potential home it had... he then remembers he has to go back to the laundromat, and if he gets there fast enough, maybe the woman with the dog will still be there and he can return this unwanted mut to its adopted owner. He doesn't need to pick him up or canoodle him or anything this time, the dog just follows him all the way obedient to what he must think is his new-found daddy... and then soon enough he attaches himself to a dog he passes on the way and Eli gives up.

But the good news as of 2 hours ago- is that Churchill was returned safe and sound! Those microchip things in pets' bodies do actually work! I am very happy.

Okay, I've just spent the entire opening of this blog on a dog that none of you must care about. I'm so sorry.

So what else is interesting? Jord also spent some time at our place and we got to hang out with a new Israeli possy (thanks to Ran and Sheli) before she jetsetted off to Thailand. (*Aside note to Jord: Jordy, I am so disorientated without you! I thought I was doing fine before you came, and then, after your 5 impressive days or so in my hood, you totally swept me off my feet with your mastery orientation and now I've lost all confidence in myself and I keep somehow getting myself lost around my own neighbourhood, dammit! I need a back to follow. A Lena or a Jord or an Eli...)

Anyway, I've also spent a lot of time lately watching burnt DVD's of English Tv series. Sex and the City, Seinfeld, Friends, That 70's Show.. etc... Eli has become addicted to Sex and the City. Haha- he won't like that I published that. :-)I know, you expected me to have a good reason why I've slacked off this blog lately, but it is a good reason. You see, Eli and I have a TV but we don't actually have Tv channels. I get the news at work and we use the Tv to watch DVD's, but every now and then I feel like a TV show. So this has satiated a long-time thirst of mine and I am forever grateful to Eli's brother for his dvd burner.

I've also been going out with friends from work after we knock off (which is usually at 9pm so it's really convenient). Our boss sometimes joins us as well, which is really nice I think. There's 3 of us, The Aussie, the English and the Irish girl, and we make excellent drinking buddies.

The other day, there was some kind of vicious sand storm which came from the Sahara desert apparently and dust and dirt was swept up with it, and here in TA the city was covered an eerie browny orangy dirty smoggy colour. My eyes were stinging something fierce. It's still really windy as I type this and in fact, a storm is about to hit (again). Here, winter is definitely winter. I tell you I'm grateful for my blue gatkas every day!

Next week I'm going to a Henna party! The wedding will follow the week after. And on Valentines Day our students at Wall Street are in for a treat and we're having a movie screening. I pushed for 'When Harry Met Sally' and since the movie night was my idea, it's going ahead. I also started a book club at wall street which is going really well. Next step is to start a karaoke club, then a scrabble, tabboo and boggle club! :-) haha! Sarah is slwly yet surely taking over!!!

That's all for today folks,
hope you are all well,

Love xxx
(spiced from the middle east)